A visit with my Ancestors

I sat against the tree to meditate and quiet my mind. I'm usually upbeat and joking, but my heart felt heavy so I knew I needed to look further within to find out what was going on. Usually this happens when I've over extended myself and am exhausted.

Nevertheless, I focused on slow, deep breaths. After a few moments, I felt the energy of the tree meld with mine; her branches holding me while the light fingerless leaves gently brushed the tears on my cheeks, comforting me. I recognized the release and allowed the tears to flow freely.

I opened my eyes and saw Grandmother and Grandfather standing there; their eyes warm and smiling. I missed them so, and cried even harder. They spoke of how they are still with me, in my heart and all I needed to do was look for the light there to find the answers.

While we were talking, a fawn walked up and stood next to them. He glanced at me and then looked up at my Grandparents and nodded. I knew it was time to say good-bye for now. I thanked them for coming and that I loved them. They knew.  In a blink of my eye, there was now a Robin and Raven where once they stood.

I looked at the fawn. “Boozhoo, Waawaashkeshi. Aaniin ezhinikaazoyan?”

I wondered what message this ‘deer’ one was trying to convey.

Fearlessly, the fawn lay down and watched me.

Fawn symbolizes unconditional love and the fear that prevents us from moving forward. Ningotaaj. Yes, I am afraid. I’m pretty good at hiding my fears, but never the less, I am afraid. Afraid mostly of failing.

I thought about this for awhile…. The overwhelming release of emotion today made me realize that I am growing and working through one more challenge or two.

I have always been fearful. I recently shared a story  with a colleague where I was debilitated by fear. She responded that she would never have guessed I was ever fearful of anything. As I grew older however, I have learned to face my fears and move beyond them. After all, the fears I have are ones I created for myself, placing unnecessary stress. In the past, I have created events in my life through my thoughts (and fears), so I have every means to create the positive outcome I desire now.

My grandparents showed me nothing but unconditional love and support while I was growing up, and now they have passed on. When my fears start playing with my emotions, making me want to quit, one or the other, or both appear and let me know that they still support and love me - no matter what.

I understand now. My lesson is to find that same unconditional love for myself; trusting I am on the right path, growing, sharing and loving.

I thanked the fawn for his presence and patience.

“Miigwech, Waawaashkeshi. Thank you.  Giga-waabamin menawaa." I hope soon.

in Zahgidiwin,

WS